Thursday, January 20, 2011

Thoughts on Deployment

So, it's here again. The D word. I hate deployment. Chris is set to leave in a few weeks and my heart sinks lower in my chest whenever I think about it.

I hate being alone. Oh, some nights it's nice when Chris has to work late or when he has duty. But being alone in this house for months on end can be depressing to say the least. Last year, I went to the commissary the week Chris left and found myself crying in the Mexican food aisle. The sight of Chris' favorite enchilada sauce and the realization that I wouldn't be making it for him for a long time pushed me over the edge.

When he's home for months on end, I sometimes forget how much I relish his presence until it's time for him to leave again.

How he always offers to drive {cuz I hate it}.

How he scarfs a muffin in one bite when he forgets he's NOT among his four brothers. And then looks at me bashfully with his mouth stuffed and crumbs tumbling down his chin. {And I crack up laughing at him.}

How he surfs for hours on the North Shore, and then talks for hours about the waves he surfed and his eyes light up because the Navy's not his 'mistress' but the ocean might certainly be.

How his voice sounds mingled with mine as we sing praises together at church.

So, yeah, deployment sucks, if I may say so eloquently.

But I'm determined to make the best of it.

I'm going to visit my family in MD and soak up the light and laughter of my 8 (almost 10) nieces and nephews.

I'm going to help host two fabulous baby showers (and pine for one of my own someday).

I'm going to train. Hard. And I'm going to complete a triathalon.

I'm going to paint my fingers off. And love every moment of it.

I'm going to hit 50 sales in my Etsy shop. Heck, I might even hit 100 if I feel like it!

I'm going to dig into the Word and grow my relationship with Jesus like never before.

I'm sure every military wife has heard this--"Wow, you are so strong, I don't think I could ever do that" I know I hear it alot. But the truth is, I'm NOT strong.

But my God is. 

And even when I feel like this life is so crazy and I hate being alone, I'm not really.

Because He says,

" For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. " Jer. 29:11-13

So, deployments are tough. And it hurts to say goodbye to Chris. But there's hope. And there are good things mixed in there with the tough things.

As deployment starts, I'll probably be including more journal-like posts about what's going on with me through the week. Chris checks in on my blog and I told him I'd write more about my days for him. And according to my survey, you guys like the [here and there] posts too, so you'll be getting more of those!
Don't worry, I've also got lots planned in the way of DIY projects, inspiration posts, sponsor posts and some great guest bloggers coming up too. :)

And here's a pretty picture for getting all the way through this rambling post. This is part of the mountain range we hiked on Saturday. Pretty, yeah?





33 comments:

  1. sweet new blog friend... God is Good...God is GREAT... and He WILL help you through this. So happy to read your outlook on it all! Come to Korea for a visit, will ya? Can't you "hop" over here on Space A?

    ReplyDelete
  2. Love this post. Love you, friend. You are just where you are supposed to be right now. ;) And I'm so glad you are.

    ReplyDelete
  3. One of my favorite posts of yours. I love to read rambling posts like these because to me they are not ramblings, its just writing right from your heart! I am sorry that Chris had to leave again, that would be so hard. I love your list of to-do's and it looks like they will keep you plenty busy and occupied to make the time fly!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  4. My heart broke for you as I was reading this. I can't even imagine having to say goodbye to my husband for months at a time. I will be praying for you (I promise!), that God would give you peace throughout Chris' deployment and draw you closer and closer to Himself. Love you girlie! I really do :)

    ReplyDelete
  5. You're inspiring me this morning, Lindsay! I love hearing your heart and your determination to use d-time for growth... like time spent in the valley where all the work is done and the crops are grown. Then when it's over you can have your mountain top high, loving on Chris and enjoying being together. You've totally reminded me to lavish in these times--we serve a faithful God!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Lindsay, this is such a beautifully written post!! My heart aches for you and the other wives who have to go without their husbands for long stints of time... but I believe with all my heart that God does not allow anything to happen that does not ultimately bring Him the most glory. I can only imagine how you and Chris will grow through this and the people that you two will get to bless and encourage along the way. I know that it's still going to be really hard for you both, but I am so encouraged by your words... you sound like you are in a really good place right now. :] *hugs*

    "And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus." Phil 4:19

    ReplyDelete
  7. Love seeing your heart expressed so honestly in your post. I am sure you are an inspiration to many other military wives, and especially because you are willing to admit that you are not strong, but the Lord is! :) Love you!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Lindsay, this post brought tears to my eyes. I can't even imagine how hard this is. But thank you to both you and Chris for making sacrifices for this country. Truly, you both are doing amazing things.

    ReplyDelete
  9. What a great attitude you have, Lindsay! I'm not sure I could be so positive about being away from Mitch for months at a time. But I love that you're able to be so real about your feelings and ALSO strong. :) And good luck training for that triathlon! Even the word scares me, haha.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Sending you a cyber hug. You're a brave lady. Good luck with all your endeavors, and the very best to your huny.

    ReplyDelete
  11. I can only imagine how hard it must be when Chris is deployed.
    You are strong (even if you don't know it ;)).

    May I say, I am looking forward to reading about your every day life?

    ReplyDelete
  12. "When he's home for months on end, I sometimes forget how much I relish his presence until it's time for him to leave again."

    That is exactly how it is. I realize it too and I stop nagging my husband about every little thing that bugs me or that he needs to do. My husband has been gone for almost 2 months now - this is our first. Praying for guys and I wish you the best! You can do it!

    ReplyDelete
  13. Lindsay, I'm one of your "secret readers" - I keep up with your life and your art and love it!! :) Partly because I'm a new military wife living in CA, partly because your blog is just so much fun to read! I got tears in my eyes reading your post this morning and just wanted to say hey and let you know that you and Chris will be in my prayers.

    May the God of endurance and encouragement grant you to live...in accord with Christ Jesus, that together you may with one voice glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. Rom. 15:5

    ReplyDelete
  14. From one military wife to another, you had me in tears this morning. I can honestly say, "I know how you feel." I feel like I'm going through it with you, playing out every thought and memory before they leave. Oh, It's the worst feeling but in the end it's so worth it! The feeling you have when it's going to end, not many woman can say that they "fall in love all over again at least once every year or so!" We are the lucky ones, we are the ones who know what it's like to be without our husbands and ache for their safe returns, but we are also the ones that get butterflies the morning of homecoming and learn how to be strong and independant while they are away!

    YOU ARE STRONG AND SO INSPIRING!

    You have a wonderful support system of family, friends, your church and all your wonderful supporters here reading your beautifully written blogs! We will NEVER leave you hanging! You know I love ya and I will be right accross the street anytime you need me! I think you'll be sick of me by the time Chris gets back! Keep your chin up, keep busy and accomplish everything you set your mind to...I KNOW YOU WILL!! Love you hun..XOXO

    ReplyDelete
  15. With all you have planned - painting, triathlon training, etc. - you are going to have a million stories and things to show him when he gets home! :)

    ReplyDelete
  16. Thanks for sharing a bit of the inside. We're still years from deployment, but I know it's coming, and my heart just aches for you at the thought of it. :(

    Sounds like you have a good list to keep you busy. The triathlon is a great idea! Great way to feel good inside and out!

    Enjoy these last few weeks with your sweetheart!

    Aloha,
    charlie

    ReplyDelete
  17. Beautiful post, friend! You are so right, God is strong and you're wise to make a list of things you want to accomplish while Chris is away. I'll be praying for your time together before he leaves, while he's deployed, and when he returns!
    As an Air Force brat, I've been around a lot of deployed dads and my own brother-in-law has been deployed recently. Military service isn't an easy road, but when it's ones calling, God will provide everything needed.
    Thank you for sharing your struggle! xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  18. beautiful post, Lindsay. I can't imagine how it must feel to be so far away from your husband. Praying that you seize every moment from now until he leaves.

    xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  19. thank you for sharing your heart lindsay! know that you are being prayed for as you endure the time apart and that God promises new mercies every morning. continue to draw strength from Him!

    ReplyDelete
  20. Well, you may not think you're strong, but we all think you are. Thank you to you and Chris for making that sacrifice for our wonderful country!

    God will most definitely see you through. God Bless, my friend!

    ReplyDelete
  21. your honesty and genuine spirit are a breath of fresh air in blogland! i've no doubt you've provided so many of your readers with a great deal of comfort today... i love the verse you shared, and know that God will do just as he promised with you and with your husband, even as your apart. beautiful, lindsay!

    ReplyDelete
  22. I'm from Maryland!! :) I moved here, from there. My husband goes on deployment in a few weeks too. :(

    ReplyDelete
  23. Great post! You can come visit Texas...oh wait, I need to come to Hawaii!! :)

    And you are right, our God is great at getting us through it and being strong on our behalf!

    ReplyDelete
  24. lindsay! this is such a beautifully written post! one of my faves from you really! i really love your writing style and your words... i am so sorry for what you are going to have to go through, it must be so hard! but i am glad you are going to be keeping busy, that sure will make the days go by faster until he comes back again! and we will keep you company on twitter of course ok?? you will have us! :)

    ReplyDelete
  25. i am speechless after reading this. i felt tears burning my eyes and am so inspired by you. you are going to be so busy with your list of things you want to do that time will fly...
    xoxo,
    gina
    ps-where will you be in MD? I am in DE if you want to do a blogger meet up? :)

    ReplyDelete
  26. A lot of my dearest friends are military wives. I'm so sorry for all of you as that distance would be sooo awful. Beautiful verse choice! I pray that God gives you strength everyday for the whatever you face!

    ReplyDelete
  27. From an Army Brat to a Navy Wife...I know it's hard. But you ARE strong. You're continuing to live your life while he's gone but you know that he's still close to you through your blog. You will get through this again and one day you'll back and say..."it was the hardest time of my life...but without the Navy...I wouldn't have had these great experiences."
    I still get mad that my Dad decided to do a solo tour in Korea for a year when I was a kid, and the countless birthdays and first days of school that he missed. But he stayed in the Army for 30 years, and I can't be more proud of him. It's a wonderful life that you're living and I wish you all the best!

    ReplyDelete
  28. I'm so sorry sweetie. I can't imagine how tough that must be. I have a very good friend in the JAG and I hate that she's deploying. : (

    ReplyDelete
  29. Love this. I'm always amazed at how fearful we feel at the beginning, but then we just manage as if it's how things have always been. Proof that our God is big enough to sustain us :)

    ReplyDelete
  30. I hope the days go by quickly so you can be reunited again. Enjoy your time like he never left your side. :)

    ReplyDelete
  31. I'm sure it wont be easy to be away from him... I can't imagine how tough that would be! I'm in a long distance relationship (3 hours apart) and sometimes it's difficult, but I'd rather get through difficult times than be without him... Im sure you feel the same way!

    It's good that you have so many things planned for yourself & a lot of goals to work towards! I hope the time goes by quickly for you!

    ReplyDelete
  32. I love this verse! I think about it often when I'm feeling down or unsure of where my life is headed. I pray that things go well with the deployment and good luck with all of your activities! You have a wonderful, supportive community here to encourage you!

    ReplyDelete
  33. Love this post!! And you are right, you may not be able to do it alone, but with God you can accomplish anything!

    "I Can Do All Things Through Christ Who Strenthens Me" Philippians 4:13

    I hope you enjoy your time with Chris to the fullest before he leaves! Thank you for this post!!

    ReplyDelete

hello you! Thanks for taking a minute to comment! I like to reply to your comments in the thread, so if you have a question and you'd like to get a notification of my response, feel free to click the "subscribe by email" link.