"D-Day" (deployment day) is just around the corner. Chris and I have been busy getting our lives ready for this big change. We have been crossing things off our to-do list each day and while it always feels good to cross those errands off, it means the big day is getting even closer. I thought I would share with you some thoughts I have as the day nears.
I actually am feeling pretty optimistic about the deployment as a whole. Here are a few reasons why:
- I am signed up for two painting classes at Honolulu Academy of Arts. They start next week and I can't wait to dive into painting again. I told Chris that our home is going to transition into a studio while he's gone. He is just as excited about it as I am! (So thankful to have a husband who supports and encourages me in the things I love most!)
-Another reason I feel optimistic is that I have some goals set for my "single" months. (Oh, I know I'm not really single. Don't worry, I'm not going to start going out to Waikiki trying to pick up hot surfer dudes.) I'll share these goals in another post but I am excited to set some challenges for myself, both big and small!
-Though this is our first deployment, Chris and I actually have some experience being apart (unfortunately!). Merely one month after we started dating, I headed off to Spain for the semester while he stayed in Annapolis. The next year, I found myself leaving again as I started my missions internship in Acapulco, Mexico. Both of those times, our relationship grew as we communicated through emails, letters and whatever phone calls we could make. While we were engaged, Chris also spent a month trekking through Alaska and the only communication we had was three letters I received. I had to make some big decisions while he was gone and it all worked out okay. I know deployment will throw some more curve balls at us, but I think we've had good training.
- I'm not completely alone. God is with me every step of the way. And He won't give me more to bear than I can handle. Thank You Lord!
So, those are some optimistic outlooks I have about the next 4.5-7.5 months (yeah, the length of time is a little up in the air). But, I'm going to share some not so optimistic outlooks too, because, hey, this is real life and being without your best friend and husband for any amount of time just sucks.
-We've had a lot of time together since we tied the knot more than 7 months ago. (That's a good thing) We've gotten really close and I'm more in love with Chris than ever. So, naturally, when I think about being without him for months at a time, my heart sinks, my stomach flips and I feel like I'm going to puke. It sucks and though I have lots of wonderful friends here on Oahu and supportive family members across the globe, I am going to terribly miss my best friend and it's not going to be easy.
-I'm nervous about being really alone for the first time. I've never lived completely alone and I've never been completely in charge of a household. Though we have bill paying down to a pretty fool-proof system, I'm sure I'm going to screw things up and spend alot of dark nights curled up in my bed, irrationally convinced that my house is being broken into.
-Sometimes I just hate being in the military. There, I said it. And I'm jealous of women whose husbands are always home and they never have to say goodbye for 6 months and it's guaranteed that they will be together for their first baby's birth or their anniversary. Sometimes I am just really angry at the whole situation. That being said, I absolutely support Chris and I'm so proud of him. We make these decisions together and so I signed on with the Navy right along with him. Most of the time I really enjoy being the wife of a Naval officer.
Thanks for reading my novel. Just a few thoughts on the whole thing. I have more, but do you really have all day to sit down and read the deluge of thoughts from my brain? The truth is, I know that it is not by my strength (or Chris') that we will get through this, but by God's. Though it feels like it sometimes, it is not the end of the world.
"I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through Him who gives me strength." Philippians 4:12-13